


Whats Point in Living (when its so easy to die)

by Radicalkay



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Blowjobs, Cutting, Depression, Lashton - Freeform, M/M, Niall is mentioned once, ashton hates himself, at all actually, does that mean i can tag it under one direction, luke is drunk at one point, luke makes him feel better, no calum or michael really, theres a plot if you squint, this is literally shameless smut, trigger warning, wow i suck at writing smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-04 11:26:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1777372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Radicalkay/pseuds/Radicalkay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke just wants so make Ashton feel better<br/>The relationship is not pre-established I guess I should do a follow up to sort of clarify that Ashton is like confused but appreciative of this unexpected loving from Luke. Sort of implied that Luke has been pining? I don't know this has many plot holes sorry :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whats Point in Living (when its so easy to die)

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning for cutting and depression please dont read if that's going to be a problem

It was so easy to hate himself when he was drunk. It was easy to drag the blade across his wrist because there was nothing to stop him, no barrier to protect him from his own mind, his own self-destruction.

 

He didn’t know where the boys were, and honestly he didn’t give a fuck. All he cared about was the crimson dripping down his arm, painting the floor to look like a grotesque sunset. He watched for a moment, relishing in the cool pain burning away any fear he had, before wrapping a bandage around his arm and wiping his blood off the floor.

 

Just in time too because before he could even blink he heard Luke burst through the hotel door, singing at the top of his lungs. “Ash? ASH! Why did you leave early mate we- Niall did this _thing_ , shit I cant walk.” Rearranging his bracelets and pushing himself off the floor, Ashton stumbled out of the bathroom, taking in the wreck that was Luke Hemmings on the bed in front of him.

 

“I didn’t feel good.”

 

Furrowing his brow, Luke held his hands out, slipping his fingers through Ashton’s, who let the younger boy pull him forward. “M’ sorry, d’you feel better now?” His eyes were so, so blue, so earnest. Forcing a smile, Ashton nodded. “You’re lying.”

 

So he let himself be pulled down on the bed, let Luke wrap his arms around his waist and nestle his head under Ashton’s chin, tangle their legs together on top of the cover. Humming contently, Luke pressed a kiss to the older boy’s neck. “Feel better Ash.” He murmured.

 

Ashton wanted to cry.

 

@#@#@#@#@#@#@

 

_How much did I drink last night?_

 

Stifling a yawn, Ashton narrowed his eyes at the blonde boy curled up on his chest. “Wha-?” Soft hair tickled at his nose while slim fingers had somehow found their way around his wrist and Ashton was very aware of his hand curling around his band-mates hip.

 

“Luke?” Flinching, the younger boy shook his head slightly. “G’back to sleep Ash.”

 

Sinking into the bed, Ashton let his eyes drift closed, the pounding of an oncoming headache making him want to moan.

 

He didn’t think twice when Luke nuzzled his nose into his neck, warm breath fanning over his collarbone, and he _definitely_ didn’t think twice when the slim fingers around his wrist started rubbing lazy circles under the bracelets tied haphazardly on his arm.

 

_Shit_

 

Luke’s grip tightened so fast Ashton couldn’t have pulled his hand away if he tried. The older boy tried to scramble backwards but Luke obviously wasn’t as hung-over as Ashton because he pinned him in place, straddling his hips and running his fingers over the scars on Ashton’s arms.

 

“Ash?” Blinking away the hot, fast tears threatening to spill over his cheeks, Ashton shook his head. “S’not what it looks like I havn’t-“

 

“Some of these are fresh. They still have bandages on them, oh _Ash-_ ” Panic crashed over him and Ashton was drowning in the helpless look in Luke’s eyes, the tight pit in the bottom of his stomach making him sick with hatred.

 

_He hadn’t wanted to worry them, he hadn’t wanted them to know he was dealing with it he really was he was going to get better sometimes he just- he had to get it out, they would understand he just didn’t want to bother-_

Soft lips broke his trance, and Ashton started violently at the kisses pressed to his wrist; lingering and sweet. Slow and intent, Luke pressed his lips to each scar, never flinching when the drummer would whimper slightly, tears dripping down his cheeks. He felt important he felt _loved_ , (he wanted to escape and drag a knife down his arm just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming)

 

Startlingly clear eyes met his before Luke leaned in to _finally_ press his lips against Ashton’s, kissing his cheeks and nose and down his neck, whispering promises of _god you know we love you right?_ And _please ash please, please, please._

 

He let himself give in, hands on Luke’s waist tightening as licked up into the other boy’s mouth, biting playfully at his lip ring and moaning at the fingers carding through his hair. “Luke, I-“

 

Slipping his hands under the hem of Ashton’s shirt, the blonde boy hummed softly. “Wanna make you feel good.” The older boy could feel his face heat up when his shirt was lifted over his head and thrown somewhere across the room, soon followed by Luke’s. He tried to cover his stomach but the other boy would have it, keeping his fingers interlocked as he kissed down Ashton’s stomach, stopping to swirl his nipple with his tongue, sending a shot of pleasure when he bit down lightly.

 

“You’re so gorgeous.”

 

_God I’m anything but._

 

“Don’t _do_ that, I know what you’re thinking it’s not _true_!” Surging up, Luke latched lips on Ashton’s, biting down softly as he struggled to pull off the other boy’s pants. They were both half hard and Ashton didn’t even try and ask what the other boy was doing he just went with it, moaning when the singer slipped his hand under his boxers and pumped his cock roughly. “Gunna make you feel so good Ash, so good.” Leaking a trail of kissed down his torso; Luke pulled his boxer’s down, freeing Ashton’s already-hard cock and immediately going down on him. The gasp that came out of his mouth wasn’t human when Luke hollowed out his cheeks, pretty blue eyes looking up at him from under hooded lids.

 

Ashton had no clue where he’d learned to suck dick _so fucking good_ but he wasn’t complaining, hands fisted in the sheets to keep from grabbing the younger boys hair and fucking into his mouth but _god he looked absolutely sinful and debauched when he licked and spit and came off with a pop, lips red and swollen-_

 

He couldn’t keep himself from twisting his fingers into the soft, golden locks; hips thrusting up into Luke who was just taking it, eyes fluttered closed. He took him in all the way, choking and sputtering but holding him there and when he _hummed-_

 

“Fuck Luke god fucking damn it oh SHIT-“ breaking off in breathless gasps and moans Ashton rolled back, stars dancing in front of his eyes and Luke just swallowed him down, sucking him off through his orgasm.

 

It took him a few seconds before he was flipping them over, tearing Luke’s jeans off, “What’r you doing, Ash I-oh _shit”_ Ashton closed his mouth around the other boy’s cock, taking him all the way in, and he’d just pulled off with a pop before Luke was coming, striping his face and neck.

 

Wiping his off with the bandana beside his bed, Ashton looped his arm around Luke, kissing him lazily. “Don’t do it anymore, come see me and I’ll help you. Promise?” The younger boy mumbled, wrapping his fingers around his wrist.

 

Gulping, Ashton tugged aimlessly at the blonde’s hair.

 

“Promise”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> lashton is life


End file.
